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‘“What are you wearing, Cortana?” he asks, like he’s in a shit version of the film Her’. Cortana replies: “A phone. Like it?”


Clean Bandit, the Cambridge-educated group who looked at dance music and thought, “What this needs is more violins”, redefine cringe-worthy in this new ad for Cortana. In it, the band chat with the Windows Phone personal assistant as they prepare to attend the Brit awards. Cortana, which even Robin Thicke would concede is a Siri rip-off, promises to remind cello player Grace not to dance on tables while mocking the band’s violinist Neil for his taste in hideously garish jackets.


If Clean Bandit’s reason for accepting the job was money then they weren’t paid enough; if it was to create something even worse than their music then they went too far. And if you last long enough without clawing out your eyeballs or jumping into the hole in the ground your mind willed into existence, well, things then turn a bit weird.


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