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‘Now we’re all deeply invested in what happens to this sub-Wall-E character, confused.com’s new advert concludes the horrifying tale’


In past confused.com adverts, Brian the robot – 2015’s Sergei the meerkat – has disturbed doggers, upset pensioners and generally provoked nothing more than mild irritation in the British public. But now, the insurance website wants us emotionally attached. Let’s recap: Brian, on his quest to “save everybody money on their car insurance”, has rolled into a scrap yard, where the mechanics attach him to a magnet. “Might get a few quid for the circuits. Melt the rest down,” they growl. This dark turn in Brian’s story quickly becomes the insurance robot version of 127 Hours – longer, even, because the brand’s YouTube channel shows that Brian spends a lonely 28 days stuck to the magnet, all heartbreakingly detailed in day-by-day videos.


Now we’re all deeply invested in what happens to this sub-Wall-E character, confused.com’s new advert concludes the horrifying tale. In it we see Brian, his tiny body torn apart, on the world’s slowest conveyor belt, inching him ever closer to being crushed. Thankfully, just before he meets his fate, he’s rescued by a host of other robots. Phew. But surely, this dark experience has traumatised our tiny hero? Perhaps confused.com’s next ad will see Brian casting off his old life, devoting his time to hunting down his tormentors and ruining their no-claims bonuses. Like a mechanical version of Liam Neeson in Taken, he has a particular set of skills that make him a nightmare for people like them. He will find them, and he will raise their premiums.


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